im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
