never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
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The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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