Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
