I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
