i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
