Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
