Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
