I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
