It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
high people should be assigned attendants
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
