Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
