I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
