Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
should my penis look like a turkey
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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