Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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