I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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