Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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