i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
