omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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