i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
