If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
