he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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