how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
