I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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