yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
