My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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