well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
