OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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