Do you still have your period?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
