She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
