I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
