hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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