I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
