Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
