yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
