so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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