If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
