K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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