i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
