Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
