Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
