Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
