wakey wakey hands off snakey
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
