I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
