Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We got so high we made milksteak
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
