also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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