I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
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you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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