Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
