His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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