i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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