There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
