I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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