It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
