I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
