So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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