I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
