I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
