then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think people are normalizing furries
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
