Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize