I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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