you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
