Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
