Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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