Kiss
Puke
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
