The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
