by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
